I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
