May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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