I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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