i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
