He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
