is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
