my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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