It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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