Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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