She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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