Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
