the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
