So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
