But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My cat gives me a boner
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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