FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
