I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
