Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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