this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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