it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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