Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
