I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
