i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
