2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
