New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Green mimosas i think yes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
