i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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