I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
