so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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