turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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