I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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