Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
