hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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