I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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