Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
