i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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