Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
