dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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