sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
