I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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