this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
