just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
