Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
