I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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