genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ketchup is God's man juice
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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