just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
