Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
