my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
