You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
