I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
