Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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