Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
