I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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