i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
