I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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