I accidentally had phone sex last night
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
