Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
