i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
