Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
