Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
