Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
