is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
