That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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