apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
