Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
