I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
