So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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