I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
