it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
should my penis look like a turkey
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
